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My name is Emily and I’m an…


My first book, a collection of short stories called Bad Romance, was published in 2018. In Julie Burchill’s opinion it made ‘Girls look like Little Women’ and me ‘the Saki of sex.’ In 2020, the film rights were sold to Fury Films and I have just finished adapting the the debut tale, Julia’s Baby, into a screenplay.

As a journalist, I write for the Daily Mail, Evening Standard, Guardian, and Spectator. In my twenties, before I became too insane to work for any institution, I was a diary reporter at The Londoner’s Diary and a feature writer at The Mail on Sunday. At one point I even got as far as writing a dating column for Sunday Times’ Style magazine. Obviously, I was sacked.)

This is my website where - if you want to look at pretty pictures - you can see all the collage illustrations for the 20 stories in Bad Romance.)

If you sign up to my Substack, I send everything I write straight to your inbox.

Originally, I called my updates Hill To Die On - since they represent a series of suicidal stances against stronger enemies - but I’ve now changed this to Emily Hell for reasons that will soon become clear to you.

Brace yourselves for the scent of sulphur.

For, as the late, great Auberon Waugh once wrote, we must - repeat must - maintain some sort of resistance against the forces that threaten to overwhelm us, for ‘there are countless horrible things happening all over the country, and horrible people prospering… never allow them to disturb [y]our equanimity or deflect us from our sacred duty to sabotage and annoy them whenever possible.’

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If anything particularly irks you, do let me know and I’ll get my pitchfork out.