SAGE is talking total bunkum!

Are they modelling the R-rate on unicorns now?

Since all hope died in Emily Hill - and she was taken over by her alter-ego Hell - from an outsider’s perspective her prospects have probably pepped up somewhat.

Newspapers used to call her up and ask things like, ‘would you like to review paddling pools and be photographed in a bathing suit in your garden?’ And she’d say, ‘No. I’d rather die.’ Hell, however, doesn’t wince - much less mince the torrent of her words. ‘Are you sure you want me clothed?’ She suggests. ‘Wouldn’t it get more clicks if I did a Christine Keeler with this one…?’

Her new can-do attitude means when she was asked this morning if she could turn around a column in no time at all Hill had no time to sincerely doubt it because Hell was sourcing that bit from Zizek’s jokes so fast (which she had been saving - like a liberation jumpsuit - for just the proper occasion) she damn near forgot to hit reply.

Obviously this is what journalists are supposed to do, this is their job, and she is not boasting because she should have been doing it for the last fifteen years rather than faffing about writing fiction that’ll never be published. ‘Why didn’t you just keep a diary?’ Hell now demands of Hill. ‘Even we don’t want to read that.’

My favourite comment on the third wave that won’t stop threatening to engulf us all is from the man who tweeted ‘third heat wave more like. Bring it on’ with a smiley face, OK sign, foaming beer, and sunshine emoji.

Anyway, off I must pop.

(Still not dressed and it’s 26 degrees outside.)

Need to do a ring round and find someone to lend me their garden.


Yesterday, I was shocked to read the results of a Mail+ poll that asked ‘Should Boris go ahead with lockdown easing on June 21?’.

I immediately voted for this option: ‘Yes, The whole point of vaccinating Britain was to end lockdown!’ imagining it would win (why the hell else have we been denied our lives for so long? Half the year’s nearly over!) But I was wrong. ‘No! He must follow the science - all signs point to a third wave’ took it by a landslide with 67% of the vote. 

After a whole year of being told we must follow the science, this makes sense. But what I’m aghast at is ‘the science’ still shows ‘all signs pointing to a third wave’ because anyone who takes the trouble to look into it can see for themselves the Government’s scientific advisory group, SAGE, is talking total bunkum.

Yesterday, there were 3,383 infections in a population of 68 million out of whom every single person known to be vulnerable to Covid-19 who wants the jab has now been vaccinated. Unless they’re modelling the R-rate on unicorns, 3,383 infections will not a third wave make, and keeping the entire population under lock and key because some vulnerable people don’t want to be vaccinated is insane.

The Government needs to start being honest with us as regards who is being infected, how and where, rather than continuing to terrorise the entire population with its campaign of fear.

The truth is the Government’s own colossal errors during the first lockdown caused mass death and they didn’t learn from them for the second, so more loss of life was caused again. On the day we entered lockdown in March 2020, there were 3,183 hospitalisations due to coronavirus. At that point the authorities cleared the beds of old people being treated there and sent them back to care homes infected with Covid where - tragically - the respiratory virus proved a death sentence for thousands.

The Office for National Statistics now states that the median age of deaths due to Covid-19, and involving the virus, is 83 years old. That is not for a single second to suggest that the lives of 83-year-olds don’t matter - of course they do. My grandmother would be 83 this year if she hadn’t died of cancer before the pandemic began and I dearly wish she was still with us. But continuing to prevent us all from living ordinary lives while accumulating unprecedented amounts of government debt could lead to the collapse of civil society if there’s no end to it.

In a collected volume of the philosopher Slavoj Zizek’s jokes, he tells the (not at all funny) tale of Yugoslavian dictator President Tito: ‘Some archives and memoirs show that already in the mid-1970s, the leading figures around Tito were aware that Yugoslavia’s economic situation was catastrophic. However, since Tito was nearing his death, they made a collective decision to postpone the outbreak of a crisis until his death - the price was the fast accumulation of external debt in the last year’s of Tito’s life... When, in 1980, the president finally died, the economic crisis did strike, leading to a 40 per cent drop in the standard of living, to ethnic tensions and, finally, to civil and ethnic war that destroyed the country - the moment to confront the crisis adequately was missed.’

Personally, I’d like SAGE to be honest and tell us that there are so few infections the science does not suggest a third wave and the Government to admit that if we don’t unlock on June 21, it’s possible we never will because cold and flu season is coming and chances are this winter the NHS may come close to being overwhelmed again as all those who’ve spent a year and a half not being treated for all their life-threatening underlying health conditions require urgent hospital treatment.

What was the point of vaccinating Britain - if it wasn’t to end lockdown? And why are we ‘following the science’ if it’s still pointing to scenarios that don’t make any sense to anyone peering beneath SAGE’s pronouncements and reading the figures with their own two eyes?